April '04- September '04

5/12/04 ~ Yaaaaawn

For some reason I just can't get the hang of this sleeping at night thing very well.  It's after 2am and I of course need to be up around 6am to get ready for work but lately I lay in bed forever just trying to fall asleep.  Too many things on my mind I guess and I think I need a more comfortable mattress and some new pillows... oh and probably wouldn't hurt to have a female in there too.

4/19/04 ~ Just when I thought it was safe...

...to sleep easy, another bump in the night came along.  Things were looking up, my ex-wife had agreed to cut my child support some so that I could afford the decrease in pay that I would incur moving to a day shift.  The talks of her and her fiancé moving to Minnesota had ceased and it seemed like all was right in the night and I was finally sleeping better.

Well Timmy, there might just be a monster under the bed after all.  After coming back from a three day trip to see family with my son, I got hit with the newest installment of, "How your life is going to suck!"  Upon dropping my son off at his mothers house I was asked to stay for a chat only to find out that the new plan is to move to Iowa.  Heck, why not, it's an offer they can't refuse.  Needless to say it won't be happening if I have anything to do with it.  

I felt like I was being pitched a sale on a big juicy investment the way they were making it sound.  "Think of it James, you will actually see him more than you do now and we will make sure of that by adding in a few extra weeks in the summer, and heck, we are even willing to drop support all together.. now doesn't that sound great?"   The problem is, I won't actually see him more because as it is I had him for 70+ overnights last year (while working third shift) and additionally was able to see him for close to 3 hours a day after school every day of the week.  A rough estimate of hours, for days he didn't actually spend the night during the week, would lead to a total of 21 more solid days, and that's being conservative.  Tell me how a 6 week summer visit, every other Christmas, Spring Break, and Thanksgiving, along with a few random weekend visits, even comes close to more, let alone the same.

What they don't seem to realize is, even if  they somehow came up with a situation where I would see him as much or more overnight periods, they are denying me the ability to watch his daily growth, something I have had ever since he was born.  They are denying me the ability to go to his sporting practices and games or school events.  They are denying me the ability to enjoy his accomplishments, and they are denying him the ability to have his dad in his life on a near daily basis like he has had since his birth.  I don't know how they can be blind to the fact that my son wants to see me more then they currently allow, and how they can justify this move in their mind, let alone explain to a 6 year old that he wont be able to see his dad every day anymore.

There is so much more to the story and events but at least you get a general idea of the shit I have to deal with.  I don't know what caused my Karma train to jump the track but I sure hope that it finds a new rail to run on soon that heads in a better direction.

Return to archive